2008 Woodie Awards
Pride Horoscopes
Issue date: 2/19/08 Section: Features
Aries
You make this week look good. Pay attention to all aspects of your potential, and by the weekend, you may get exactly what you wanted. Of course, that depends on how you handle Thursday and Friday: are you going to float on through or let the nay-sayers sink your rubber duckie?
Leo
Someone call the fire department because your love life is about to get sizzling hot. One wrong turn though and it's gone, baby, gone, so don't be too quick to blow off the guy at the grocery store or the girl behind the Starbucks counter. Also, quit pissing off your coworkers. It's going to blow up in your face on Thursday.
Gemini
Your fluid nature gets a real test from a coworker on Thursday. Sometimes just letting your anger come out is the best way to handle a situation. Beware of a smooth-talker tomorrow, keep up the hard work, and your week will come out polished just the way you want it.
Cancer
Your attempts at channeling Rico Suave don't go exactly how you've planned, and on Wednesday, the Gemini you've been pining for slips through your fingers. Put away your Aqua Net and acid wash jeans and try being a real human being. Besides, now is the time to focus on the home front, before your proverbial French poodle bites your kneecap.
Virgo
Love hurts. Not as much as friends talking smack, though. Because you can find 50 ways to leave your lover, but friends cling to you through the years. Try to mend some fences, and spend some time relaxing solo, and if that doesn't work, hire a South American assassin. As long as s/he is not a Scorpio.
Scorpio
You'll do anything in the line of duty, but be careful when people ask you for things this week. Take a bath and read a trashy romance novel instead. And just for giggles, car trouble plagues you on Friday.
Sagittarius
A long week ahead for you, Sag. Try not to get sucked into workplace drama. No matter how strong the temptation though, you know what happens after a large fry from McDonald's and five margaritas. Keep the door locked and the phone off the hook.
Capricorn
Karma finally catches up with you and it's all good. While you watch other people trying to put out fires and clean their closets, you're the one who actually has the foam extinguisher. Or those cute little shoe organizers. For the single, you bump into someone with more potential than the MacBook Air. For couples, whatever your recent rough patches, they're gone and forgotten.
Aquarius
Don't speed.
Pisces
Energy is pouring out of you like rays of light in a crappy Madonna music video. This is your moment to shine. If you want to go out every night, do it. Now is the right time to start new projects or finally put some out for public approval. This week, you're the golden child. Except Thursday. You should probably just stay in bed on Thursday.
Taurus
Don't let an Aquarius speed.
You make this week look good. Pay attention to all aspects of your potential, and by the weekend, you may get exactly what you wanted. Of course, that depends on how you handle Thursday and Friday: are you going to float on through or let the nay-sayers sink your rubber duckie?
Leo
Someone call the fire department because your love life is about to get sizzling hot. One wrong turn though and it's gone, baby, gone, so don't be too quick to blow off the guy at the grocery store or the girl behind the Starbucks counter. Also, quit pissing off your coworkers. It's going to blow up in your face on Thursday.
Gemini
Your fluid nature gets a real test from a coworker on Thursday. Sometimes just letting your anger come out is the best way to handle a situation. Beware of a smooth-talker tomorrow, keep up the hard work, and your week will come out polished just the way you want it.
Cancer
Your attempts at channeling Rico Suave don't go exactly how you've planned, and on Wednesday, the Gemini you've been pining for slips through your fingers. Put away your Aqua Net and acid wash jeans and try being a real human being. Besides, now is the time to focus on the home front, before your proverbial French poodle bites your kneecap.
Virgo
Love hurts. Not as much as friends talking smack, though. Because you can find 50 ways to leave your lover, but friends cling to you through the years. Try to mend some fences, and spend some time relaxing solo, and if that doesn't work, hire a South American assassin. As long as s/he is not a Scorpio.
Scorpio
You'll do anything in the line of duty, but be careful when people ask you for things this week. Take a bath and read a trashy romance novel instead. And just for giggles, car trouble plagues you on Friday.
Sagittarius
A long week ahead for you, Sag. Try not to get sucked into workplace drama. No matter how strong the temptation though, you know what happens after a large fry from McDonald's and five margaritas. Keep the door locked and the phone off the hook.
Capricorn
Karma finally catches up with you and it's all good. While you watch other people trying to put out fires and clean their closets, you're the one who actually has the foam extinguisher. Or those cute little shoe organizers. For the single, you bump into someone with more potential than the MacBook Air. For couples, whatever your recent rough patches, they're gone and forgotten.
Aquarius
Don't speed.
Pisces
Energy is pouring out of you like rays of light in a crappy Madonna music video. This is your moment to shine. If you want to go out every night, do it. Now is the right time to start new projects or finally put some out for public approval. This week, you're the golden child. Except Thursday. You should probably just stay in bed on Thursday.
Taurus
Don't let an Aquarius speed.
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